Making Conversation

 I said I would do the things that scare me. And that's what I'm doing.
 I am horribly afraid of talking to people. I'm also afraid of putting myself out there. Because I might look stupid, and then everyone will laugh.
 This week, I have committed to making conversation. 
 And, I've committed to making eye-contact, instead of staring at the floor all the time.
 Today, at the hospital, I tested the waters. I had to go and get some lab work done, and that provided lots of social interaction opportunities. I talked to the people in the lobby, the lady in the elevator, the lady at the front desk, the nurse who drew my blood, and the man who stood there and watched her (sounds creepy, but he was a student. He was required to watch). I even joked around with the nurse. She asked me my birthdate, and I said, "What would you say if I told you it was 13-32-2016?" 
  She laughed, "It would probably take me a minute to realize what you said."
 I said, "Well, as long as you don't just agree with me and then pull out your needle... cause if you do that, I'm outta here!"
 It was nice. I like talking to people. Everybody was actually friendly. And nobody laughed at me, or acted like I was stupid.
 Are you shy and introverted, but wish you could be more outgoing? Then join me on my journey to the land of social skills! Not everyone will be nice, but it seems like there are friendly people out there. They are as afraid to break the ice as you are.
 And they're probably also afraid because there are people out there who will actually kill you if you look at them.
 It's a jungle out there.
 Tiene cuidado! Or however that goes...
 
 The grace of the Lord be with you as you go!
 -Samantha

Fear of Life

 Death is a really scary thing. Nobody seems to know for sure what's on the other side. Do we reincarnate according to how good we were on earth? Do we go to the grave and cease to exist? Do we hover above the clouds somewhere and become one with the earth? Or even scarier, is there really a God to be accountable to, and a Hell reserved for sinners? *shudder*
 Well, I'm a Christian who believes in Jesus Christ for my salvation, so I believe in Heaven after death. That's a nice thought.
 But my point is, most people are at least a little bit afraid of death because they don't know what to expect. Even for a Bible Believer like me, I'm like, "Well, what if I don't actually like Heaven? I don't want to die right now..." *wince*
 Death is scary. There is so much that is unknown.
 But....
 I was thinking today, and I realized that I might actually be more afraid of life than I am of death. I'm crazy! If you think about it though, life is hard, and very unpredictable!
 I'm facing some difficult decisions right now (isn't everyone?) and I'm shaking in my boots!
 I want to finally go to college,
    but I need to get a job first,
      and I can't compromise my newfound health...

 It's long and complicated. And it's scary.

 I'm afraid to plan for college, because what if something happens and I can't go? What if my health fails again? What will I do if I'm stuck being dependent on my parents for the rest of my life? How will I handle that mentally?
 Phew, too many questions; too much worry.

 Fact:
 Tomorrow isn't here yet.
 There is no need to sit around and worry about what could happen in the future. It probably won't be anything like I imagine anyway! And five years ago, when I looked timidly into the future, I felt the same way! But I made it through those five years by the grace of God... If I made it then, then God will bring me through the next five years of my life (If there happen to be five more).
 One. Day. At. A. Time.
 So I think that will be my new motto- One day at a time, Lord. One day at a time.

 "The past is history,
 Tomorrow is a mystery,
 But today is a gift,
 That is why they call it the present."
 (That's a little something I got from Kung Fu Panda)

 And here's a little snippet from the Bible:
  "Be careful (full of care; worried) for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.
 And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." -Phil. 4:6-7


 This is me putting my fears on the shelf.
 This is me stepping forward in faith.

 And since I live in constant fear of life, I have decided to start anti-fear therapy for the Summer. Stay tuned in to my blog for updates on that.
  It's gonna be gut-wrenchingly exciting.
    It's gonna be terrifyingly awesome.
   
 And now, since I'm writing it in this blog, it's a commitment. No backing out.
  Breathe, Sam. Breathe.
 Ready or not world, here I come.